loner

Im not a loner. But I enjoy being alone sometimes.
Many think that going to a movie or travelling alone is incredible/unbelievable, however it is not so difficult for me to do these myself. Moreover, bcuz different people have different taste of film and different habit of travel, which would make it hard to decide (which film to catch, where to go, how to travel...). Well, above things are just some reasons. Sometimes you just cant find the right person/people to go with; you just cant find the right timing to invite people; sometimes, you just want to escape/ sneak away.

A friend told me that I look like a loner and I am independent outside, but I definately soft and girly inside.
I have no question of this description or judgement, but, how would I become what I am now??
Maybe it's a mystery to even my mom (who often thinks I am a strange child).

What am I really like?? If I couldn't find the answer, should I keep asking?

Maybe everyone is somewhat restricted by surrounding things or the situation s/he is in, and thus s/he cannot be himself/herself completely (well, at least 85% of oneself). But how can one be changed bcuz of study or work? This is ridiculous. I would rather buy this: I am like this originally. However, this is also my fault. Im supposed to cheered others instead of being influenced. I was bad-tempered but Im absolutely no character here! Im so sweet and thoughtful that even I myself wonder what's wrong with me!

But, if you couldn't give me what I am looking for or what I need, can I blame you with that? It's just different personalities and life style. And it's not a relationship at all. You know better than I do. I am just blind maybe:)

Damn, I am complaining again!!!

We are all alone like small islands. Just, people need to learn to care about others.
Hope I will find my way:)