memorial-1

Rahul told me that "it's about your choice," which means, I choose to suffer myself (in some way). But, what if our choices are destined? What if we cannot choose our choices actually? It is not just a philosophy question but also tricky, isn't it?

The reason we are suffered is bcuz we dont want to obey our fate, and trying to change it.

When I try to look back finding out what I get, I really can't think of anything except for the very first moment we've been together. Maybe it's bcuz I am a person who is craving passion and love. And, if life is about the moments that take our breath away, I think, that very first moment is one of them (in my life). Even though it was just a few seconds.

The problem is Im not satisfied with this and ask for more. I desperately need your love and care.

There are lots of men out there who are willing to give me what I want and make me happy. People said that "you deserve a better man." However, what is the definition of a better man? I asked. I think most of them imply it as a guy who is more passionate and smooth.

I guess I am totally blind and stupid for I am so in love. (why?)

And I am so stupid that I believe things might be different. (why am I such a fool every time?) I am so dazed that I ignore those warning and my sense.

I dont want to regret but it seems that I cant change things, and it's destined to hurt myself.

Maybe we are stupid moths. We knew what the result would be though we still fly toward the fire. (maybe only me, I am the stupid little moth) In this case, I might be the most foolish creature in the world. I persuade myself that Im ready for heartbreak and ready for crying without regarding the pain I'll have to face. (I know now...)

Ok, I admit that I feel depressed and upset already. But Im trying to calm down. Your study is your first priority and Im not in your schedule. You know what? You are not in my plan either. However, I just make change for this so called relationship. I cannot complain cuz I deserve this... Plus, it's just bcuz of different personalities. I would feel better is I think this way.